All I Want Is To Be Heard

I wonder why I talk sometimes... I'm not really a soft spoken person, I know how to voice my opinion so I can be heard and understood. I've done it thousands of times before. So I've drawn the conclusion that if someone isn't listening to me it's because they choose not to. They, for what ever reason, believe that my words are not important enough to consider or to be heard. The one person I want to hear me is my husband. The three people I expect to hear me (but often don't) are my kids. I know how kids are... I was on once... so I give them slack and repeat myself and not grow too frustrated... kids will be kids. But for my husband I need his attention to make this marriage work. I have done everything in my power to talk to him, now I avoid him. I only talk to him when I have to.

Today was one of those days I had to talk to him. Our son, 9 years old, has to have two very expensive prescriptions filled, so I asked him to go down to the pharmacy and do that. "Are you going to pay for it this time?" He didn't need to pay for them, or pick them up, just drop off the prescriptions... "Yea, but are you going to pay for them, I've been paying for all of this and I'm tired of doing it all." I told him that I have been helping and I add and contribute to this household too. "No you don't you still on the computer all day long and do nothing." One thing lead to another and the arguement esculated into me wanting to throw something at him. I picked up the cup and started to aim, but choose to put it back down... he ducked then realized I wasn't going to throw it he charged at me with fury in his eyes. But he didn't hit me. I wish he had of... I would end the marriage in a heart beat with no issues. That's when I told him he needed to leave. He told me NO! I told him YES! He said No again and I wasn't going to screw him over on the house. Okay... I'm so tried of this house and it's issues... but he didn't stop there... he said that he was going to make sure I was going to get screwed over first... I nearly died! I work at home and I tend the kids. If I lose the house I lose my job and the kids have no shelter. He can run home to his mom and dad but I have no one. I nearly lost it! I started crying (the one thing I don't want him to see) and told him not to mess with me like that... he could do anything to me mean and cruel but don't make me lose my job and the shelter of the kids... I told him he needed to decide if he wanted the house or not, and to let me know. I have an uncle (everyone has a rich uncle, right? well... I really do) I can go to him for help with buying the house out right. I just don't want to do that if I have to. I can do this on my own but I need to know where my husband's intentions are.
Well... needless to say... during the arguement he asked me how I was going to make the house payment. My eyes widen! This was the arguement we had on Friday was over the house payment, I told him then when I could pay and how much... I gave him all the details then right in front of a friend. Why would he not listen to such important information? It back to the same old issue... he doesn't care.

Needless to say... he moved out tonight.

He Comes Home Quiet

I don't care for my husband, so to keep peace between us I have asked him to take the kids on the weekend to his mother's house. Last week he took all three kids. When he came back he didn't talk to me for two days. Okay... I have to admit it was nice. When he did start talking to me he told me he wouldn't take all three kids again. So when this weekend came he didn't want to go at all. But it was either him or I, so he took one child and left. Again I'm getting the silently treatment...
I have to admit it's nice. I don't really want to talk to him and I really don't want to be interrupted either when I talk so it's working out nicely. But he gives me looks, 'the glare' and it's the general feeling that he's upset with me. As if he is about ready to scream at me for making him leave. I avoid him, I don't talk to him unless I have too. I'm wondering what's going to happen when I move him out permanently.

Respect

I think it's rude and disrespectful to interrupt someone when they're talking. Several important people in my life do this on a continual basis... The last time it happen I cried. It hurt. Not only are they showing me that their not listening to me and how I feel but their thoughts are above mine. My husband is notorious for this and I asked him why? He told me... Because if I let you talk then I forget and I need to get it out right then and there... But it's rude and shows me you don't respect me... 'that's not the case' he argued with me, 'I just need to say what's on my mind'... Of course I could continue the battle but I choose not too... I choose to keep quiet about that issue, but my eyes teared up and I knew things would never change unless I took control of my life. If I can not talk freely in my own house then you must leave. If I am constantly interrupted because you don't value my words then you don't respect me. If you don't respect me then how will the kids treat me? I contribute to this home... To this family... I expect to be treated as an equal member of it... If you can't respect me and value my words then leave. I don't want any part of someone who disrepects me.