This started nearly a year ago with a reading forum I joined. I was looking for a new book to read and joined an awesome forum where the people were friendly and came from all walks of life. Met a man on there who is a martial arts instructor. Now during one of the day's topics he revealed that he has aspergers, a condition I have often thought my son has. He talked on the forum of how he was able to calm his mind through his martial arts training, in which he has 22 years or more. I replied and told him about my son who deals with anger issues everyday. Well one thing lead to another and I ended up chatting with him via MSN. Now I can't say that we talked strictly about Martial Arts... but I can say it was very innocent. I have no issues in showing or telling you about our conversations. I can say one thing most of it would bore a normal person, because we talked about the philosphy of religion a lot. Soon, a few months after chatting with him via MSN I had a small group of maybe 5 people that I talk to on a regular basis, all from my reading forum. We talk about life, religion, faith, music, kids, books and many other things. We have exchanged pictures, ideas and books. Okay... I have grown to love this small group of readers, they make me feel normal.
Now back to nearly a year ago, while I was attending my reading forum, my daughter got into trouble, serious trouble and certain restrictions were placed upon her until she started to show she could handle the additonal responsibilities. One thing she was banned from was the internet. I'm one for making sure the punishment fits the crime... her crime via the internet. She was chatting with strangers, and giving them our phone number. She was only 13 when this happened. I drew a line... and in forced that she have no internet access at all unless she can obey all the other rules too and show maturity in all that she does. Once she was able to do so then she could have this priviledge back.
Well, I don't think she intended for this to go as far nor do I think she was trying to be so hurtful. Looking back over this last year these two issues seem to correlate with all that has transpire. When I was talking to the maritial arts instructor I was accused of having having an affair. Never was it said that I had an affair with him... just that I had one. Well needless to say I argued until I was blue in the face telling my husband this wasn't true. It's been so long now I don't remember if he told me that he believed me or not.
But actions speak louder than words...
That's when he stopped being my husband in small subtle ways. The avoid physical contact of any kind. Not taking me out. Arguing that I should stay home... okay I work at home, but he didn't want me to go anywhere by myself. He didn't like the idea that I worked out and he especially hated it when I joined a gym to help tone my body more (there's just so much a video can do). He complained that I used too much gas... and I never used the car, I mean I went weeks without driving the car at all. The list goes on and on...
But the most hurtful thing of all is I talked to him, he wouldn't listen... I would tell him I had made certain arrangements for paying the bills and he would ask me a day later what I was going to do about paying the bills. He wasn't listening to me... he didn't hear me... he simply stopped caring...
In turn I sought out the only outlet I had... the computer. The more I was ignored the more I was pushed from my family, the further I sunk into avoiding the issue. At one point I noticed my husband and I didn't argue at all if I worked on the computer. If I turned around and started to say something I was given a glare. There were many days when he didn't even talk to me at all.
Finally I had had enough and told him to leave... he did.
So what does all of this have to do the with daughter?
Simple...
She had developed a world in which I had a boyfriend, someone I had had an affair with and we were able to keep our affair somewhat secret because of the internet. This world she created has much more to it then this, but for now, this is all I can add. There were so many lies, so many half truths, so many accusations that looking at them I can't believe someone would actually believe all it... nothing adds up at all. Basically, she manipulated driving a wedge between my husband and I, so she could do as she pleased.
Now... how was all of this brought to my attention?
Well... I thought I was going insane... I thought it was all me... everyday I sunk into a depression. I saw my husband taking my daughter out and talking with her showing her things he use to show me... a new hat, a new wallet, a joke, the football rooster... and to me argued and fought with me or he completely ignored me. The day he left my duaghter ran away from home... she was gone 25 hours. During that time my aunt called me and sat me down and asked me point blank if I had a boyfriend. Thats when I knew exactly what was going on, why my husband hated me so much. I sat down and talked to my aunt for nearly an hour. When I ended the phone call I had a new found hope... I knew what was going on now. I knew what I was fighting... lies!
