All I Want Is To Be Heard

I wonder why I talk sometimes... I'm not really a soft spoken person, I know how to voice my opinion so I can be heard and understood. I've done it thousands of times before. So I've drawn the conclusion that if someone isn't listening to me it's because they choose not to. They, for what ever reason, believe that my words are not important enough to consider or to be heard. The one person I want to hear me is my husband. The three people I expect to hear me (but often don't) are my kids. I know how kids are... I was on once... so I give them slack and repeat myself and not grow too frustrated... kids will be kids. But for my husband I need his attention to make this marriage work. I have done everything in my power to talk to him, now I avoid him. I only talk to him when I have to.

Today was one of those days I had to talk to him. Our son, 9 years old, has to have two very expensive prescriptions filled, so I asked him to go down to the pharmacy and do that. "Are you going to pay for it this time?" He didn't need to pay for them, or pick them up, just drop off the prescriptions... "Yea, but are you going to pay for them, I've been paying for all of this and I'm tired of doing it all." I told him that I have been helping and I add and contribute to this household too. "No you don't you still on the computer all day long and do nothing." One thing lead to another and the arguement esculated into me wanting to throw something at him. I picked up the cup and started to aim, but choose to put it back down... he ducked then realized I wasn't going to throw it he charged at me with fury in his eyes. But he didn't hit me. I wish he had of... I would end the marriage in a heart beat with no issues. That's when I told him he needed to leave. He told me NO! I told him YES! He said No again and I wasn't going to screw him over on the house. Okay... I'm so tried of this house and it's issues... but he didn't stop there... he said that he was going to make sure I was going to get screwed over first... I nearly died! I work at home and I tend the kids. If I lose the house I lose my job and the kids have no shelter. He can run home to his mom and dad but I have no one. I nearly lost it! I started crying (the one thing I don't want him to see) and told him not to mess with me like that... he could do anything to me mean and cruel but don't make me lose my job and the shelter of the kids... I told him he needed to decide if he wanted the house or not, and to let me know. I have an uncle (everyone has a rich uncle, right? well... I really do) I can go to him for help with buying the house out right. I just don't want to do that if I have to. I can do this on my own but I need to know where my husband's intentions are.
Well... needless to say... during the arguement he asked me how I was going to make the house payment. My eyes widen! This was the arguement we had on Friday was over the house payment, I told him then when I could pay and how much... I gave him all the details then right in front of a friend. Why would he not listen to such important information? It back to the same old issue... he doesn't care.

Needless to say... he moved out tonight.