Work

It does the soul good!

I'm feeling much better today. After a full day's work, talking with people with the same IQ and not being harassed by an idiot I feel like I'm back to my old self. Happy-go-lucky-Ms. Cheerful-in-the-morning-type.

Seriously, I am.

I get in funks every once in awhile and as I look back over why (Mainly because I hate funks. I want to enjoy life and live happy) I see what my issue was this time.

My sister.

Funny it isn't wasn't because of my ex...

Well...

It was.

I haven't seen my sister in 7 years, she lives up in Alaska. She knew of the separation but never asked me any details until I picked her up from the airport this last Thursday. She drilled me over and over making her comments as family does of how stupid he is... why didn't you stand up for yourself and I would have been spanking myself a teenager and so on and so on...

By the time I got her to my dad's house (a 3 hour drive) I was exhausted emotionally and mentally from the chat. I feel asleep for a few minutes at my dad's house and decided to go on home to my own bed. (I was alone guys... what ashame!)

The next day I looked back over the day I knew I was in trouble if I didn't get my thoughts in check. Come Sunday, I exploded on my sister and left my dad's extremely upset, in tears. She had said something about me being imperfect... oh the wrong thing to say to a goddess!... and I lost it.

The thing was she made the comments in front of my daughter. When you dishonor the parent... you dishonor the child. My children may do things wrong but they are perfect.

I should like a proud mother whose children rule her... no... I'm a mother who is building the self esteem of my children. With a divorce the children always feel it's their fault. My daughter more so then normal. I won't let anyone talk about my ex badly in front of the kids... not even my head strong military dad. He respects my wishes by the way.

Okay... so my emotions where riding high and the slight comment wasn't enough to get that upset over. It was what happen next when my sister and I tried to talk about it. It was her screaming at me not letting me talk.

I hate yelling.

I did it once...

It was the day I kicked him out of my life 10 months ago.

So what do I do with my sister???

I walked away.

Okay... now this causes conflict with my dad. He hates to see me upset like I am and so he starts to get after me.

"You need to stop bottling things up and let your family know what's going on." (Oh this is a long story on why I blog and not talk!)

And the wave of emotion really hits...

"I am perfect." I tell him. "As long as my children are around... I'm perfect. My ex tore me down everyday for two years. He told my community that I was whore. He marked me in society as scum and everyone believed him. And why shouldn't they??? He was a good Christian man! And they did all of this behind my back. I had no idea until the damage was done. Good friends turned against me and his family adducted my daughter (another really long story). Why should I talk to anyone? So they can tear me down and treat me like a whore??? AGAIN!!!"

Okay... looking back on this now I did go overboard. I did write my sister a email and apologize. I know sucky ass thing to do when a phone call is better but the emotions are still lingering today. And my dad has over 19 people at his house this week. I so don't want to go there and deal with any of this emotion with them and I'm sure they all have the load down of how I was marked.

Bottom line... I'm embarrassed now.

Well I suck it up?

Probably not.I'm a coward.