I Am Not A Whore

At the end of my 12 year marriage my husband marked me to the our small community with the scarlet letter. He encouraged and supported my children to do the same thing.

After many months of talking about it with neighbors and treating as if I was a criminal I discovered what was the driving force behind his cruelity to me. He thought I was a whore.

I had never looked at another man, especially naked during the time we dated (1 year) and our whole marriage while we were together.

I have given up the idea of trying to figure out why he thought I was a whore and never thought to ask me if I was actually sleeping with someone else. There was nothing that I did to give him this idea. I was always faithful in our marriage.

EXCEPT... I became more sexually active, craving sex more often, in which I was denied. But I never sought it from others. I wrote about it.

Now this came to me as a blow when I discovered the rumors that were being spread about by my own family. I was losing my marriage over a lie. I did the first thing I could think of and I called my husband asking him if he believed this. Of course he did much to my surprise at the time.

I started to cry. And I explained to him that I hadn't done anything wrong. We never recovered from this situation. He doesn't trust me... and I am emotional and mental hurt by the whole situation.

Why do I bring this up?

I have often wondered if men think of women who have the slightest interest in sex as whores.

Now I'm a very sexual person. I enjoy sex immensely. I don't like the idea of me not having it on a regular basis (not that my ex gave it to me regularly). I also don't like the idea of having many men. I like my numbers low. I don't think a good lover needs loads of lovers to get good... but rather loads of practice.

But does that classify someone as a whore? Becaue I enjoy sex and want it does it mean I am a slut?

I do not like this term or thoughts. It seems to me the double standards are still very much alive. Men can play with no recourse but women think about sex more then once a month and they are considered sluts and whores. I have been marked. I have seen and been asked way too many times for sex by men who just want a fuck. Yeah, let me just open my legs right up for you buddy and let you go at it. *gives evil glare*

I will not just let any man touch my body. For many reasons.

So when someone calls or thinks of me as such at first I'm taken back and then I get upset. I don't view myself as a whore.

I am not a whore.

I don't want to be a whore either.

I don't think men realize that some women from here actually want to be respected. Yes, we all want sex... but still... neither side should be made to feel less of a being because of it.

Okay... I'll stop... I'm just venting now with no real rhyme or reason. Sorry.