Should I Take Him Back?

I had come to the conclusion that my marriage was long over way before I knew it. It was late last year when I realized it and now I'm moving on. I have a new job, new set of friends, and will be moving in the next few months. My life is now changing into something I enjoy living once again.

There always seems to be a monkey wrench thrown into the mix of things to make me stumble.

What could it be?

I called the soon to be 'ex' and told him that by the middle of April I would be putting our separation on paper and filing for divorce and I wanted him to decided if he still wanted to keep visitation the way it was or decrease it since I was moving and it meant more travel time for him.

His reply...

"I've been thinking, we should get back together."



Is this something I want?

Well...

No.

And I told him that tonight...

"I will never live the way I have this last year."

"I understand that. But I would like to take you to dinner and apologize."

"When I calm down from being so angry with you I might think about it." (okay I'm ignoring the thought of 'you bastard, why aren't you apologizing to me every day with fresh flowers ~ that is the way to my heart ~ calling me as if we are dating, bending over backwards to help me instead of being so anal about needing a extra day without the kids, etc... etc... etc...' Oh yeah, I could have ripped him a new one, but kept it simple. Assholes only do one thing... shit.)

And this is why I can't do it...

I gave him a second chance and he stabbed me in the back, not once, not twice but over and over. Until one day, I put my foot down and I said no more. I yelled that day. I hate yelling. I hate being that upset. But I was done being treated like crap, shit, below human standards, not good enough to be dirt. Mental abuse is harsh!

I won't go into all that was done to me but I was hurting, extremely depressed and it has taken me until now to creep out of that and get back to normal. I feel really good about myself and all that I'm doing. I am doing the right thing.

I don't want to take him back. I will never love because of him. I even told him that tonight. I told him that because of him I would never love again because love isn't real for me. Never has, never will. I don't even know what he could do that I would even consider the thought. Right now, there is nothing...

There is only so much hurt a person can endure through and am I fool enough to hurt again. NO!