Am I Really Almost There?

Recently, a friend told me I was almost there. And I replied, "But I can't see it. How long do you think I have, years?"

He replied, "No, it's just a matter of months now."

"I don't see that at all. I don't see it being just months away but rather a good year."

And here I am today, to tell him he is right. It is just now months away before my life might starts to settling down.

I have been on one hell of a roller coaster for well over a year now, many of you know what I have been through, many of you can only guess, many of you don't care (and for those who don't, I don't blame you, I wish I didn't care either. ;) )

It was well over a year ago when a small rumor about me caught hold in my family. I thought I had resolved the issue, but I hadn't and this lie grew. It grew so bad that by March of 2005 my ex stopped touching me, by August, after I tried to desperately fix the issues, he left and by the end of October it became a permanent situation.

I do not know if his intentions were meant to harm me or not but when he left he took half my business with him and for the last few months I have been struggling on bread crumbs to survive.

Well...

Two things the man did not know about me after a 11 year relationship.

One I am a survivor!

And two I believe in me!

Over the months I have felt like a baby, rediscovering who I am... asking those really hard questions of myself.

What was it I could have done to change the outcome of my life at this point?

What did I do wrong?

Who am I?

Where am I going?

What do I want?

Am I ready to be single?

And more....

I have learned that Im a very passionate person.

I also know I am not ready for any kind of a relationship at all. In fact, I'm really down on the idea of 'love' in general.

I have also learned that it's okay to tell other's my problems because someone might have some bit of information or advice that can (and HAS) help me.

So here I am today...

A different woman then I was many months ago but I am still me.

Why am I writing this long post???

Because for the last few months I have been in a very dark cave, wondering around searching my way through. I decided it was now time for action and so I moved forward until I felt a wall. I didn't see light, and today...

I see a small glimpse of it. A very small glimpse of it.

I sent out resumes on Friday, my second batch this month and hadn't heard from anyone until today when I was asked to come in for an interview. After a 2 hour drive (I'll explain more of why it was so long in just a bit) I arrived 20 minutes late. Not a good start!

The interview went well, I answered the questions perfectly. At the end of the interview, the lady said, "As far as I'm concern, you're hired and can start on Wednesday."

I almost hugged and kissed the lady I was so happy, but I smiled and said, "Thank you so much."

That was a huge step for me... and I sit now in tears, happy that I can see the light at the end of this very dark cave.

But I still have to inch my way forward, it'll be extremely tough between now and when my first pay check comes in, but I am happy, I'll have one soon. :)

But a job is only the first part of my plan... moving is the second one. And that should be easy now that I have a job with a steady income (I feel like I'm counting my chickens before they are hatched, but I really do have the job, they really want me!!! :D )

Because I am moving, which is an hour and half away from here I choose to find a job in that area, which I did today. The commute, until I move will be a two hour drive one way. It'll be okay... It'll put a lot of distance between me and ex and this is what I want and have always planned to do.

I will need to leave my house at 6 in the morning and I won't get home until 6 at night... doesn't leave much time for my kids, the house, paying bills, and tending to life in general.

So, as my life is changing... In a good way. :)